Good morning to everyone except the people who never say anything in the group chat ☠️

"#1 Newsletter of the Year" 🏆️ -Andy’s Wife

😱 ANDY REACTS

Bed, Bath, & Bankruptcy: When Shower Curtains Can't Save Your Bottom Line!

Amigos, let me tell you, times are changing. I mean, just this past Sunday, Bed Bath & Beyond filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. And let me tell you, that's a pretty big deal for us sales and marketing folks! Because if you can't sell bed sheets and bath towels, what hope do the rest of us have? Am I right?

You know what I think happened? People finally realized that they didn't need 16 different types of shower curtains. I mean, c'mon, who has the time to swap them out every week? And don't get me started on the decorative towels. You know, the ones that are just for show and you can't actually use to dry your hands? Yeah, those ones.

But honestly, I can't say I'm surprised. As a marketer myself, I know that brick-and-mortar stores have been struggling for years. I mean, I once had a client who wanted me to market a store that sold nothing but novelty doormats. Novelty doormats, people! How was I supposed to make that appealing? "Step on me! I'm hilarious!"

Anyway, back to Bed Bath & Beyond. I think one of the reasons they went under is because they just couldn't keep up with the times. I mean, sure, they had a website, but have you ever tried to find anything on there? It's like navigating a labyrinth filled with scented candles and overpriced bathrobes. Seriously, I once spent 20 minutes looking for a simple set of sheets, only to end up with a $300 Egyptian cotton duvet cover that I didn't even need.

So here's to Bed Bath & Beyond. May they find solace in their bankruptcy protection and take a long, soothing bubble bath to wash away their troubles. And to my fellow sales and marketing professionals: if we can't sell bed sheets and bath towels, at least we still have those novelty doormats to fall back on, right?

☠️ ANDY’S DEADLY DOODLES

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💀 Issue #102 💀

10 ways to craft response-worthy subject lines:

One cold email can completely change your life.

Here are 10 ways to craft response-worthy subject lines:

Your subject line is 80 cents of your dollar.

Here are 10 elements of response-worthy subject lines:

• Overcome Objections

• Out-of-this-world Idea

• Beginner Tips

• Time Frame

• Deep Desire

• Authority

• Timeliness

• Lists

• Negativity

• Curiosity

Let's cover each:

OVERCOME AN OBJECTION

Boring:

How to use LinkedIn

Better:

How To Make Money On LinkedIn

Best:

How To Make Money On LinkedIn (without burning yourself out)

OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD IDEA

Boring:

I made breakfast

Better:

I made a massive egg sandwich

Best:

I made the world's largest egg sandwich (50 pounds!!!)

BEGINNER TIPS

Boring:

How To Swim In The Pool

Better:

How To Swim In The Pool As A Beginner

Best:

How To Swim Your First 800m Without Stopping - Beginner Swim Techniques

GIVE TIME FRAMES

Boring:

I got lots of followers quickly

Better:

How I got 10k followers

Best:

10k Followers in 10 Days (MY OPERATING SYSTEM!)

HIT DEEP DESIRES

Boring:

How To Wake Up Early

Better:

How To Wake Up & Seize The Day

Best:

How To Change Your Life In 4 Weeks

RENT AUTHORITY

Boring:

Improve Your Presentations

Better:

How To Give A Good Presentation

Best:

How To Present Like Steve Jobs On His Best Day

USE TIMELINESS

Boring:

Why people are unproductive at work

Better:

20 reasons people are unproductive at work

Best:

20 reasons "quiet quitting" is America's new epidemic

USE LISTS

Boring:

Cool things you should buy

Better:

22 amazing things you should purchase

Best:

The 22 BEST Purchases of 2022

LEVERAGE NEGATIVITY

Boring:

Teslas aren't worth it

Better:

You shouldn't buy a Tesla

Best:

3 Reasons You Should NEVER Buy A Tesla

SPARK CURIOSITY

Boring:

Did you know low birth rates are an issue?

Better:

Low Birth Rates Worldwide Are A Problem

Best:

Why Elon Musk Says Low Birth Rates Are The Biggest Threat To Civilization

Great subject lines get you up to bat more often.

If the subject line sucks,

no one’s going to open your email.

If nobody opens your email,

nobody reads it.

If nobody reads it,

you don’t make any money.

It’s that simple...

... So work on your subject lines!

Thanks for reading!

⚰️ KILLER TOOLS

• Product Video Examples: Learn from the best product videos on the internet (link)

• BuzzVault: 500 ChatGPT prompts for impactful marketers (link)

• Autogpt by SamurAI: AutoGPT in the browser (link)

🍪 DEADLY DELIGHTS (free resource)

Check out who is still hiring today ☞ StillHiring.Today

That’s a wrap for today amigos. Eat your tacos and see you tomorrow! If you want more, be sure to follow me on Twitter (@andymewborn) or LinkedIn.

What did you think of today’s edition? (anonymous)

• 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ So f**cking fuego

• 🌶️🌶️🌶️ Meh, keep digging

• 🌶️ Snoozefest

A RECENT REVIEW