Good morning to everyone who remembers to eat before grocery shopping ☠️

"#1 Newsletter of the Year" 🏆️ -Andy’s Wife

😱 ANDY REACTS

Messi's $442 Million Offer: Scoring Goals, Sealing Deals, and the Art of Lavender-Free Living!

We've got a lot to talk about, and trust me, it's going to be more entertaining than a team-building exercise led by an overenthusiastic motivational speaker.

So, have you heard the news? Lionel Messi is leaving the Paris Saint-Germain team when his contract expires at the end of the season. I guess you could say he's "kicking" the habit of playing for them, am I right? cue rimshot But seriously, folks, it's like the guy's got ants in his pants - always on the move. You know, kind of like that one coworker who keeps switching departments, looking for their "perfect fit."

Now, Messi recently got suspended for taking an unsanctioned trip to Saudi Arabia. I don't know about you, but I've had my fair share of unsanctioned trips too:

• Like that time I went to the break room to grab a snack during a sales call – not my proudest moment, but hey, a person's gotta eat, right?

Anyway, back to Messi. Apparently, this trip was well worth it because he's now reportedly fielding a whopping $442 million offer to play there. That's more than the budget of our entire marketing department! With that kind of money, he could probably:

• Buy his own island, fill it with salespeople, and still have enough left over to build the world's largest billboard

• Single-handedly fund our department's coffee supply for the next century!

But let's be honest, who among us hasn't been tempted by the allure of a big payday? I mean, I once considered leaving my job to join a pyramid scheme selling essential oils, but then I realized I couldn't stand the smell of lavender. So, here I am, still cracking jokes and writing newsletters for you fine folks.

That's all for this week, but remember, whether you're chasing soccer balls or chasing leads, sometimes it pays to take a leap of faith – just make sure you don't end up in lavender-scented purgatory! Stay tuned for next week's dose of sales and marketing humor. Until then, happy selling!

☠️ ANDY’S DEADLY DOODLES

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💀 Issue #100-and-something 💀

The Power of Burrito-mancy - Turning Life's Minuses into Plus-sized Burritos 🌯

Today, we're diving into the magical world of turning minuses into pluses, a superpower I like to call "Burrito-mancy." So, buckle up and join me on this delicious journey of wit, creativity, and, of course, tortillas.

You see, anyone can capitalize on their gains. It's like finding a $20 bill on the sidewalk and using it to buy your favorite takeout. Sure, it's a win, but does it really set you apart from the crowd? No, it doesn't.

But have you ever found yourself in a situation where everything seems to be going south? The kind of day when you spill coffee on your shirt, forget your lunch, and accidentally delete that important email (You know, the one you were supposed to forward to your boss, not hit "delete all").

Well, I've been there too. Once upon a time, I found myself with a flat tire, miles away from home, and I'd left my wallet on the kitchen counter. But instead of wallowing in my misfortune, I realized that I could use this opportunity to explore the wonders of hitchhiking (Disclaimer: I don't endorse hitchhiking, but desperate times called for desperate measures).

And you know what? I made a new friend, who just so happened to be a fellow burrito enthusiast. We bonded over our shared love for extra guacamole, and before I knew it, my minus had transformed into a plus.

That's the power of Burrito-mancy.

Life is full of tortillas - sometimes plain, sometimes flavored, but always with potential. It's up to us to fill them with the most scrumptious ingredients we can find, even when it seems like all we have are the crumbs at the bottom of the bag. We can choose to give up or whip up a burrito that will make our taste buds dance.

So, when life hands you a tortilla, don't just stare at it blankly. Fill it with the beans of resilience, the cheese of creativity, and the salsa of wit. Wrap it all up and take a big bite of that delicious, life-changing burrito.

Remember, it's not about what happens to you; it's about what you do with what happens to you. Turn your minuses into pluses, and show the world what you're made of (Hint: It's probably burritos).

Here's to becoming masters of Burrito-mancy and embracing life's challenges with a full belly and an open heart!

Major Takeaway: In a world where we're all trying to find our way, don't forget that the power to turn a minus into a plus lies within you. Embrace your inner Burrito-mancer and watch as life becomes an all-you-can-eat buffet of opportunity and growth. Bon appétit! 🌯💫

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🍪 DEADLY DELIGHTS (free resource)

Check out who is still hiring today ☞ StillHiring.Today

That’s a wrap for today amigos. Eat your tacos and see you tomorrow! If you want more, be sure to follow me on Twitter (@andymewborn) or LinkedIn.

What did you think of today’s edition? (anonymous)

• 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ So f**cking fuego

• 🌶️🌶️🌶️ Meh, keep digging

• 🌶️ Snoozefest

A RECENT REVIEW